Mar 24

Mar 24 How I Became a Hērō

I’m a Hērō.

I don’t mean in the way of the popular definition of hero - someone admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities. I’m talking Hērōs in the ancient Greek way: with the fancy ē and ō. This kind of a hērōs literally means “PROTECTOR” or “DEFENDER”.

I am a Hērōic performance coach. I protect and defend my clients’ life force. And I learned to do this through Heroic training. (Don’t get me wrong - I’m still a Stoic coach too. But the two are melding into one beautiful coaching philosophy.)

I joined the Heroic Coach program in early 2022. After 300 days of learning ancient wisdom and modern science, I developed into being a better coach who protects and defends her clients’ paths to being the best, most heroic versions of themselves. It wasn’t an easy 300 days: and I optimized my eating and moving and sleeping and filled my brain with all the wisdom so that I could move from theory to practice to mastery today and everyday.

And I have never felt better. In so many ways. Primarily in the way that I have the tools, supported by modern science and psychology, to be my best self, so that I protect others be their best selves.

Sounds like woo woo pablum shit. But it’s not. And believe me: as a sweary Stoic coach, I have a very sensitive bullshit meter.

I found completing the Heroic Handbook the most rewarding to come from last year. The handbook required identifying my top ten ideas or lessons or practices compiled over 300 days.

And I’m going to share my Handbook with you all, because I am a Hērō and you are awesome.

“What human beings can be, they must be!”

Thanks Abraham Maslow! He wrote this in Motivation and Personality in 1987. And it slapped me across the face when I read it.

I am called to live at my highest potential. And I have often ignored that call. (Much like regular phone calls I receive - who CALLS people?)

But I know that I am made for more. And so are you. No matter what station we are in life.

So do it. Be more. Let’s live at our highest potential.

Live by your strengths.

My strengths are hope, gratitude, love, humour, and love of learning. Anyone surprised?

The slap in the face here was realising that when I honour my strengths, I am a better person. I make better choices. I look for work that ticks every one of those strength boxes.

You can find your strengths easily by registering for free and taking the assessment at https://www.viacharacter.org/

Doing so will change your life. As it changed mine.

Eat a Hero Bar when feeling discouraged

The term Hero bar comes from the Heroic training. And it’s the easiest recipe out there:

Think of something you’ve done that you are proud of
List what challenges you overcame to do that thing
Remember that you have overcome challenges, and can therefore overcome challenges.

Cook those up into a tasty little treat, and consume when you feel you are overwhelmed and need courage.

It’s an empowering exercise. What have you overcome?

Have some self-compassion

The first dragon I had to slay to become a Hērō was my negative self-talk.

This self-talk leads to beating myself up. And I can’t defend others unless I can defend myself. Enter self-compassion.

Self-compassion, studied by Kristin Neff, consists of three things:

Common humanity - I need to realise I’m not alone in my suffering
Kindness - I need to be nice to myself
Mindfulness - I need observe my experiences without making them bigger or ignoring them

When you know you are not alone, kind to yourself, and objectively understanding your experiences you give yourself the grace to be perfectly you.

Rub your dreams against reality

I have dreams. And I’ve heard some say that I just need to visualise my dreams SO HARD for them to come to fruition. Guess how successful that is? Yup. All kinds of welp.

Gabriele Oettingen has studied just how successful visualising alone is to helping you achieve your dreams. Again. All kinds of welp.

Instead, she designed an exercise to rub your dreams against reality.

WOOP it up!

W - wish - what do you want?
O - outcome - what is the outcome of what you want?
O - obstacles - what can stand in the way?
P - plan - how will you deal with those obstacles?

WOOP your dreams to help them become reality.

AM and PM bookends

Darren Hardy wrote that we have more control over the beginnings and ends of our day than we do over the middle of the day. With that control, we can design our best AM and PM bookends.

My best AM bookend is: meditate, create and reflect, and walk.

My best PM bookend is: shutdown work, one hour off phone before bed, and in bed at 9:00pm.

Hope is a superpower

Hope is my #1 strength. And it has shown up in my life time and time again.

And when I learned about the science of hope, I better understood its role in my life.

Hope has three components:

Goals - a sense of a better future
Agency - a role in that better future
Pathways - if one path is wrong, knowing there are multiple paths to that future.

Know where you are going, that you have a role to play, and that there is more than one path to get there. Let hope be your guide.

Follow your own hero’s journey

I’ve seen the term “Hero’s journey” all over Twitter over the years. And I mistakenly thought it was a self-congratulatory dude-bro thing.

And I was so wrong.

Joseph Campbell studied and compared cultures’ religions and myths and identified that across all of them, there is one enduring mythical journey: the Hero’s Journey.

There are three (why always three?) parts to a hero’s journey:

A call to adventure
Battling the dragons
Rebirth and return

Check out the movie Finding Joe on Youtube. It’s free and an awesome intro to recognising your own Hero’s Journey.

Eating, Moving, and Sleeping - the Fundamentals

Of course we need to eat and move and sleep. And we all do. But are we prioritising them? Do we make intentional choices to optimize them?

Modern science is full of tips and tricks and hacks. And what I’ve learned is there is no hack. There is just good practice.

My fundamentals?

10-hour time-restricted eating window
30 minutes of movement a day, and moving every 1000 seconds
In bed by 9:00 so I can get at least eight hours of sleep.

Being intentional reaps rewards.

Who are your heroes?

Remember “What human beings can be, they must be!”? Heroes and guides can teach us about our maximum potential. By their example, we can forge a path to a better future.

My heroes?

Epictetus - IMO, the most readable and practical of the Stoics
Phil Stutz - Taught me to trust my own coaching process (check out Stutz on Netflix.)
Mark Manson - First person to kick my ass into gear with his first book, Subtle Art of not Giving a Fuck. He continually teases my brain.
Brian Johnson - Founder and Chief Philosopher of Heroic Public Benefit Corporation. He sparks my brain every day, and has distilled all the wisdom into actionable bites.
My Auntie Baggage - She was my first kindred spirit. She is 95 years old now, and has taught me the importance of women friends and staying true to who I am.